AITA for telling my daughter’s stepmother that she hasn’t bought her love?
I (35F) share custody of my 13-year-old daughter with her father (36M). He’s been remarried for about two years to “Laura” (41F), who is very well-off. She has a fantastic job, works from home, and seems to have an unlimited budget for things my daughter loves—designer clothes, expensive purses, gadgets, etc. Every time my daughter comes back from their house, she has something new and expensive that is way out of her father’s price range.
It’s hard not to feel like Laura is trying to buy my daughter’s affection. Beyond the gifts, Laura spends a lot of time with her—doing crafts, helping with school projects, and even taking her to special events. I’ll admit that it stings because I can’t afford to do those things or match the level of attention Laura gives due to my own demanding job.
Here’s the thing, though: when my daughter talks to me about Laura, she never has anything good to say. She’ll tell me about the gifts or the outings, but she always ends up complaining about how much Laura talks, how her voice is annoying, that she can’t cook, or how she doesn’t “get” her. I don’t know if my daughter is genuinely unhappy with her stepmother or if she’s just trying to make me feel better because she knows it’s hard for me to see someone else playing such a big role in her life.
I’ve been tempted to tell Laura what my daughter says about her—not in a mean way, but to make it clear that all her spending hasn’t “bought” my daughter’s love. I feel like she should know that their relationship isn’t as perfect as she might think and that maybe she’s overcompensating. At the same time, I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama or make my daughter feel like I’m trying to keep her from getting all of the gifts and perks that her stepmom can give. Just to be clear, I don’t have any issues with Laura. We actually get along fine when we are around each other.
Would I be the asshole if I told Laura that, despite all the time and money she spends, my daughter doesn’t actually like her?
TL;DR: My daughter’s stepmother showers her with expensive gifts and quality time, but my daughter always complains about her to me. Would I be the asshole for telling her stepmother that her efforts haven’t “bought” my daughter’s love?
