Saw my friend’s wife on a dating app—am I wrong to get involved?
I (45M) am recently divorced and back in the dating scene. My ex-wife cheated on me, which led to our divorce. It was a horrible experience, but I’m glad I found out. I’d rather know the truth than live in ignorance.
Since the divorce, I’ve been using dating apps, but honestly, it’s been a frustrating experience. A few days ago, I was swiping through profiles when I saw someone I immediately recognized—my ex-wife’s best friend, “Sarah” (not her real name). She’s married to one of my close friends, “Tom” (also not his real name).
I was so shocked that I immediately closed the app. But before I did, I saw several photos on her profile that I recognize from events I attended with Sarah and Tom when I was still married. These aren’t ambiguous pictures; they’re clearly her and from moments we all shared as a group.
Now, I feel torn. On one hand, I feel like Tom has a right to know. I know what it’s like to be cheated on, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. On the other hand, I’m worried about how this might look. Sarah is close to my ex-wife, and I fear they’ll spin it as me being bitter or trying to ruin other people’s marriages because mine failed.
I haven’t said anything to anyone yet, but it’s been eating at me. If I were in Tom’s position, I’d want someone to tell me. But is it really my place to say something? And if I do tell him, how do I even bring this up without sounding like I have ulterior motives?
So, AITA for wanting to tell my friend his wife is on a dating app? Or should I just stay out of it?
Edit to add: This isn’t an old profile. Sarah and Tom have been married for 12 years, and they have three young kids. I’m very close to their family—Tom’s kids even call me “Uncle,” and I love them like my own. I’d never want them to go through the pain my son experienced during my divorce. That’s part of why I’m so conflicted; I feel like staying silent could hurt them in the long run.
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