AITA for Refusing to Be a Guest in a House That’s a Health Hazard?
I don’t work for the CDC, but I’m pretty sure I am gonna catch something semi-deadly if I have to visit my brother-in-law again. My husband and I have been married for five years, and his brother has always been… let’s say, a little “relaxed” about cleanliness. I’m not a neat freak, but his house is a whole other level of dirty—dishes piling up for weeks, trash overflowing, mold in the bathroom, and a smell that’s honestly hard to describe.
The first time I visited, I tried to act like everything was totally normal, but it was so uncomfortable. I even offered to help clean in the most casual way I could, but he shrugged it off and said, “I’m good.” I thought maybe it was a one-time thing, but every time we’ve gone back, it’s the same or worse – as if that is even possible.
The worst part is there’s nowhere for me to sit without feeling like I’ll become patient zero for the next pandemic. The couch is covered in crumbs, mystery stains (I don’t wanna think about what those stains could possibly be), and what I think was cat hair – he doesn’t even have a cat. The chairs? Just as bad—sticky armrests, food residue, and honestly, it feels like I need a hazmat suit to be in the room for more than 10 minutes. Last time, I awkwardly stood for most of the visit because sitting down felt like too big of a health risk. I couldn’t even lean on the wall for fear that something would crawl down and greet me like Gladys in Legion.
I’ve brought this up with my husband multiple times, and he agrees it’s gross but says, “That’s just how my brother is.” He doesn’t want to confront him because he never has, and he thinks his brother would blame the confrontation on me. But the thing is, I do dread going over there, and I am the only person who seems to see a problem.
Last month, my brother-in-law invited us over for dinner, and I told my husband I wasn’t going. I said he’s welcome to go, but I just can’t sit there in that filth anymore. My husband tried to convince me, saying his brother would be offended if I didn’t show up, but I stood my ground. While my brother-in-law is an absolute joy to be around and really funny, I just can’t spend time in his house.
Since then, it’s been tense between us. My husband says I’m being “judgmental” and not supporting his family, while I feel like I have a right to set boundaries for my own comfort. I even suggested we invite his brother to our house or go out to eat instead, but my husband says that’s not the same as “visiting him in his space.”
My brother-in-law hasn’t said anything directly to me, but I overheard him joking with my husband about how I must “think I’m too good for his house.” I mean – it is kinda true. He’s too good for his house, to be honest. No one should live in that type of environment. I’m no psychologist, but I think he might be depressed. Not having us come by likely won’t help with that, but again, why should I feel like I’m gonna get the plague when he can just come see us at our house, hang out with us somewhere else, or accept my offer to help him clean. At this point, I’ll even pay for a maid service, but I can’t go back over there. I just can’t stomach it.
So, AITA for refusing to go to his house anymore? Should I just suck it up for the sake of family harmony? Or am I justified in drawing this line?
