AITA for telling my adult kids we’re going on vacation instead of buying as many Christmas gifts as usual?
I (62F) recently retired, and my husband (65M) and I are finally starting to enjoy this new phase of life. After decades of hard work, my husband suggested we treat ourselves to a bucket-list vacation. It’s pricey, but we can afford it, and honestly, I’m excited to spend time focusing on us after years of putting our kids first.
Here’s the thing: Christmas has always been my thing. When I was working, I loved going all-out for the holidays, buying multiple gifts for each of my nine grandkids and still giving meaningful presents to my four adult children (ages 28 to 37). But this year, with me retired, it feels like time to scale back.
The issue? My kids don’t seem to feel the same. They’ve already sent over their Christmas wish lists, including their kids’ lists, just in time for the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales. Normally, I’d jump into action, but my husband pointed out that it’s not our responsibility to play Santa anymore. He thinks we should give one thoughtfully chosen, reasonably priced gift per grandchild and let the parents handle the rest. He also doesn’t think we should buy gifts for our adult kids this year, given that they’re grown and capable of providing for themselves.
I see his point, but one of my kids is going through a messy divorce and struggling financially and emotionally. Another was recently laid off and is trying to make ends meet. My single-dad son works so hard to give his kids a good life, and I know he relies on our gifts to make their Christmas special. The youngest is financially stable, has a great job, and could probably buy all the kids gifts if he wanted to.
When I mentioned to them that we’re planning a vacation and might not do as much gift-giving this year, their reactions were mixed. My divorced child seemed hurt but didn’t say much. The one who’s laid off sighed and said they understood but looked disappointed. The single dad said, “The kid will be happy with anything,” but I know how tight his budget is. And my youngest? They just said, “Good for you! Can we go too?” I think he was joking, but you can never tell with that one.
I feel so guilty. Part of me thinks my husband is right—our kids are adults and should handle their own holiday responsibilities. But another part of me feels like I’m letting everyone down, especially when some of my kids are clearly struggling.
So, AITA for prioritizing a vacation with my husband and scaling back on gifts for my kids and grandkids this Christmas?
ETA – For context, we’re not in financial trouble. We have been smart with our finances, and the holidays are my planned splurge time. I can do both, but it would go against how we usually manage our money, which got us to this comfortable retirement stage in the first place. Why start being irresponsible now? I just feel torn between starting this new chapter of retirement and keeping up with the traditions I’ve always loved.
TL;DR:
I’m a recently retired mom of four and grandma to nine. My husband and I can finally afford a dream vacation, but scaling back on Christmas gifts for my adult kids and grandkids is making me feel guilty. Some of my kids are struggling financially, and I’ve always gone all-out for the holidays. My husband thinks it’s time for our kids to take over the big gift-giving while we focus on enjoying our retirement. Am I wrong for choosing a vacation over maintaining our usual Christmas traditions?
