Let’s walk through the dangers of a Gen X kid’s life, shall we? Leave it to Eva and Don to find a way to make barely making it utterly hilarious.
It starts when we are born. They take us home in a car seat, maybe, most likely it is just in mom’s arms in the back seat. In the front seat, dad doesn’t legally have to wear a seat belt in some states. We get home to our crib with lead paint on it, and our parents lay us down on our stomachs, surrounded by the softest and most deadly crib bedding. Then, if we make it to kindergarten, we walk into the asbestos-lined halls, and into a classroom full of toxic toys.
For Christmas, you get a McDonald’s play set in the shape of the restaurant, complete with seats and a cash register, instead of the Barbie dream house you wanted. So much for dreams or whatever. BUT, maybe you can become a doctor! Let’s test out your skills with this game of Operation? Concentration? Maybe you’ll be better at that? Not likely – thank you, asbestos.
And somehow… here we are. Slightly poisoned, deeply skeptical, but still standing. We made it through the lead, the asbestos, the loose seat belts, and the toys that doubled as character-building death traps. We didn’t just survive the experiment—we learned how to laugh at it, side-eye it, and demand better for the kids coming after us. Maybe that’s the win. Not that they cared, but that we care now. And despite everything, we turned out pretty damn funny, resourceful, and oddly hopeful. Which honestly? Feels like a miracle.
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